Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
