I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
