im holly from the hills drunk
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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