i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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