I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
