TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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