I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
