Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
