I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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