But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
