I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
