GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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