God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
