I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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