sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
