i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
