ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
