you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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