There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
