I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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