the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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