a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
