Fuck appropriateness.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
