You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
