No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
