considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
