im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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