Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
