oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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