where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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