I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
