my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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