So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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