My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
