His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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