we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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