I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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