They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
