Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
