Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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