The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
