How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
