The maid of honor just puked.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my being single is dangerous.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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