saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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