i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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