So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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