Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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