I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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