the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
