I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
