porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
