Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
