YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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