..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
