I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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